BUILDTHECLOUDS.

A prelude to my life.
Something to look deeper into me.

A blog I'm typing before I am heading to school!
thats my prelude very much by the way.
that school is sucking me in.
thank you.

"I write in here tonight, not as somebody that I see in the mirror, but as a lost soul, a forsaken, a deranged and a desperate. I've lost the ability to leave the vicious cycle of my influx of emotions. My despondent self has left me nothing but full of destruction. I sense no rational, I sense no courage, I sense no life. I've broken the mental barrier that I've built throughout the years to protect myself, I've broken the only left dignity and pride in my past life to continue what I perceived as to be the continuation of myself. I'm broken. I am broken.

What can I do to repair myself when the only hopes left from the past life has been crippled now. The walls and walls and walls of protection, of safety, of sanity, of self has been defeated. My phobia has slapped hard on my face. Do I seriously deserve all these, really?, I asked myself more than the fucking times I have imagined. So much that I've no more sanity to understand the answer.

Life is unfair, I said. Is it wrong to ache for protection? Now I've succumbed to damage, so now I am broken. And now, I have to be sane to repair. To repair all the damage that I've done to myself I guess, in one way or another.

When I've decided to let myself go from the screams and cries of the past, I've let go of my life because if ever one day I have to go through all over again, I wonder what would become of me.
Now that it is destructed, in destruction, how do I repair, how do I be the pillar of support?, to myself and to others?

What else can I perceive myself to be?"

written by a melancholiac.

let's say welcome to the world.
today i woke up knowing that i need to see the world, because the world wants to see me.
it's time to stop living in my land with an small pathway to it because there's more, to just it.
all because of you.
:)

what differentiate between good stress and bad stress? what is stress and what is it?

"if you have the passion for what you're doing, you'll always find solutions to the problems you face" quoted by my guest lecturer.

Do you find solutions to what you do?

love is like baking a cake, you bake, and fail, and bake again, and fail again. and all and all, eventually leading to bake the ideal cake for yourself.

but how many times are you willing to try again? you deplete your resource, your energy, your willpower and yourself. and sometimes, you know the problem is too much flour, too little butter, but you never actually recognise it. for it being an hassle to solve it, or it might even lead to bigger problems.

but without trying, you will never get the ideal cake at all.

do we try to fail, or we try to succeed?

i wanted to blog something, but i reckon, i probably wouldn't have the time to continue. thoughts seems to fly, choices seems to fly, my life seems to fly, away from me.

i feel exceptional cold today, and probably yesterday. who would have guessed? who would have?

i kept thinking that today is friday then monday and yes, tuesday and i had to keep reminding myself that it is actually Thursday. Not that it makes a difference, it is just that it's better to keep track of time, it makes you feel like you are keeping track of yourself.